Turning 30 with a Chronic Illness

Its been 6 years since I started showing symptoms, and over 3 years since my last post and with a chronic illness time still flies by, but on the other hand it can seem like a life time has passed since I was healthy, working hard and playing harder.

It is true a life time has passed by, the life I could have had, the life i thought I would have had when I when I was 23. It is so easy when remembering to romanticise the past.

In the first few years of having ME/CFS I thought a lot about what I had lost: being able to work full time, going out clubbing ,to festivals with out a care in the world, the spontaneous trips, being away or doing something almost every weekend, working/ living abroad, and with all the effort on creating a positive mindset it was hard not to get depressed about all the could have beens and what ifs.

But they were exactly that: what ifs! There was no guarantee that I would have done a secondment in some exotic country or even been happy doing that, and with all likelihood over the last 7 years I would have got tired of going out every Friday/ Saturday night buying expensive cocktails being covered in other peoples sweat and split drinks, living near the centre and walking home heels in hand, god the thought of doing that now makes me cringe. Continue reading

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